well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
