Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
