I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
