The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
