She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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