2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
