he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
