i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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