I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
