with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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