grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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