I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
