I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
