The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
