I have demons in me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
