Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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