I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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