to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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