i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
