I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
