I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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