I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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