He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
