just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
