It's like a parade of train wrecks.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
