my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
