Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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