My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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