my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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