My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
