I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
