miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
