Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
