so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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