I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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