I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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