thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
