Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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