clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
