Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
