Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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