We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
