Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
