apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
