I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
