im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
