somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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