She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
