john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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