I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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