Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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