There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
