So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
