Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
